What I Learned from Groupon's Leaked Copywriting Guide
By Becky Lang
I recently wrote a post about how to make your writing not about nothing. But now that I have read the leak of Groupon’s secret copywriting guide, I feel like I might have wasted my breath. I’ve mentioned that Groupon emobodies the best practices in copywriting, and now we have their secret Judo patterns of success! But you don’t have to read the actual thing yourself. I’ve gleaned the top lessons just for you. Note: Not safe for work if you have the type of boss that will put coal in your Christmas pie if they catch you laughing excessively. Another note: The following text written in italics is straight from their words.
1. Linguistic devices to use:
Mixed Metaphors - If your eyes are the windows to your soul, your hair is the tunnel to your mind.
Fake History - When strongmen of the past wanted to show their superhuman brawn, they coddled kettlebells or other, potentially stronger strongmen.
Absurd images
Hypothetical worlds
Fake Prophets
Negative Comparisons - Today’s Groupon is for people who love a good massage but hate how, unlike pie, they can’t take any of it home with them.
Sci-fi references
Illogical comparisons – Detoxification is more than drinking herbs, wearing cucumbers and painting Russian nesting dolls.
2. To avoid
-Speaking in the second person. After you startle awake with your face encrusted to a bowl of vegan cookie dough, you usually take your sleep-eating guilt for a late night lap around the Wal-Mart.
- The imperative. “Eat! Drink! Try our vaccuums.”
-References to hipsters or the ’80s
-Jokes about ligers. Not funny any more.
-Exclamation points
-Superlatives
-Abstractly positive words (i.e. optimize)
-Corporate speak
3. Cleverly substitute names for body parts. Here are a few of my favorite suggestions.
Hands: Michigan silhouettes (use only in Midwest), turkey tracers
Teeth: Mouth bones
Tanning: 3rd-place Olympic Finished Skin, Casper’s wish (Casperation)
Spray Tan: Melanin Marinade
Body: Spine Vase, Brain Marionette, Life-Size Action Figure, Jim Torso & The Four Limbs, Skeleton Space Suit
4. Avoid racism. Duh. Also, avoid offending religious people. Turns out they got in trouble for a whitening joke to the tune of “whiten by an average of eight shades, equivalent to being punched by God twice.”
OK WRITERS, TAKE THESE TIPS AND CHERISH THEM.
Also, is “leaking” the new trend for 2011?